Yes, not all middle children have the same personalities, but being middle children does affect us in certain ways that might go undetected, but are still very prominent. And so, by writing about my experience of being a middle child and additional observations, I think that I can help you come to a more clear understanding: if you are a middle child then it might help you understand yourself a little more, and if you are not a middle child then reading this could help you in understanding your friends or family members a little more, and if not then a substantial quantity of the population.
Growing up, I thought that in order for me to get positive attention I had to be worthy of it.
And to be worthy of it, I had to be perfect. The attention towards my achievements was always short-lived, whereas the attention towards my mistakes, no matter how big or small, was sustained over years. At some point in my life, I tried to not attract any attention at all, because all the attention that I had always received was negative. I thought that if I do not speak then I cannot possibly say anything wrong, hence me trying to be perfect: This is explored more thoroughly in my Exhibitionist blog post.
Somehow, middle children are always living in the shadow of their siblings.
Whether its the shadow of the oldest or the youngest, it is constant throughout life. The eldest casts a shadow of always being the one that "did it first", while the youngest gets to observe all of our mistakes and casts a shadow of "done it better". The fact that my older brother was such a likeable character caused feelings of ambivalence within me. I am happy that he is very liked by the people who know us both, but at the same time, constantly being compared to him is exhausting. There was a point in life where I tried to be better than him at certain things just to see if it would stop but soon found out that I can't possibly be better than him at everything. And so I gave up and decided to focus on those that saw us as separate people and appreciated me for my individuality, although it is unparalleled to his.
When considering two or more people, there will always be someone who feels like they're in the background.
I think that if I did not have my siblings in my life I would have been a completely different person, I will never know whether it would have been better or worse for my individuality but I do know that I am extremely thankful to have siblings. And I do love all of my siblings, I want to stress that it is not that I am jealous of them, it is simply that middle children have a very specific role in the family dynamic. It has its upsides and downsides, but I am especially thankful for having a younger brother who is also a middle child and can understand me on a different level than everyone else in the family and I hope that he feels the same way about me.
It did not take me long to come to the realization that I am not special or unique
and that no one ever saw me as such. I find that me and my younger brother, who is also a middle child, share certain character traits with other middle children which is why I consider being a middle child as a part of my identity. In this post I am going to focus on the positive attributes because I feel that we deserve more positive attention; Although I feel that I don't have as big of an ego as some of my siblings because of this, I do feel that I have more confidence. I feel like middle children have a more developed emotional sensitivity because while growing up I was at both ends of the stick when it came to a lot of things. As middle children, our feelings of compassion and empathy, as well as levels of general understanding, are more elaborate in comparison to the eldest or youngest siblings. And it's because of this, we have a special skill in adaptation. I also feel like our struggle for attention growing up developed our sense of pursuit, which is unmatched in comparison to oldest and youngest siblings, who tend to give up more easily.
As a child, I passively fought for attention, but as an adult, I am desperate to give up every bit of attention I get.
I have made a habit out of living in the shadows, in fact, I crave it more than ever as an adult. I hate having anyone in my business and detest prying, both when people do it to me or even thinking about doing it myself. Although people's opinions should not really matter to me at this point, they surprisingly do have a large impact on me, possibly because of how I tried to please everyone when I was younger to feel as if I existed; And so I actually find myself flourishing as an individual when isolated from people and their expectations. As Freudian as it may sound, our childhood experiences shape our adult behavior and personalities. It is important to understand, both, ourselves and other people in order to progress emotionally and generally thrive.
Sincerely,
Ed the bedhead