I never thought that university would be as difficult as it is. I used to think that with a focused area of study it would be easier than high school. However, when it comes to assignments and exams, I underestimated the amount of effort that it takes to rise on top. Even though I have been in uni for a while now, I still get impressed when I think about it. The educators are very skilled and enlightening, and the students are so competitive. I have always had issues when it came to taking exams: anxiety gets the best of me before, during, and after the exam. But throughout all of my failures, little or big, I find that
University humbles me.
Moreover, besides education, I also find it hard to make friends and go further into developing friendships. I know so many people around uni that I don't really hang out with on the outside. Because I went to an international school, I was pretty good at making new friends with every coming new year. It is just so different from school and so outside of my comfort zone. I did make friends pretty easily during my first year, but they left and so I don't really see them as much, that might be why I found it especially hard to open up this year.
I never thought of myself as being socially awkward until I got to university.
In my high school, there were certain categories, and you went into the category that you fit in with most and just went with it. But even with that, there were overlaps with other categories of people, and so the many small categories went under one big group of people across all of the different categories who could all hang out together and have fun. But in university, there are specific groups of people even within every seclusion made by the different departments. It feels more like high school than high school felt like high school. And that might be the reason why it seems so hard for me to find where I belong. It is as if most people came to uni with friends that they already knew and because I didn't,
I'm on the outside.
Everyone who finished uni tells me that it was the best years of their lives and I just can't relate because I know for a fact that the best years of my life were spent in high school. They also say that the relationships formed in uni are the ones that are going to remain with you for, more or less, the rest of your life. I know it might sound a little dramatic coming from a 20-year-old, but really, for me, it feels as if there is a big glass sheet bordering between me and everyone else around me and I am just idly standing by and watching everyone pass me as the years of my life go by. For some reason, my mind still thinks that I am 17. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I hate growing up and
I don't hate university, I just dislike my experience so far.
I love the education I am getting, which is the main reason people go to uni. I also find each and every one of my classmates to be really interesting characters. Even though I might not hang out with or know them on a really deep level, the ones I have spoken to, even if it was one or two times, are some of the coolest and kindest souls I have ever come across in my life. And I don't want to sound like a kiss-ass but I seriously appreciate all of my professors and TA's, so much so that they have become the main reason why I show up and actually try. I even tend to try my best to find a fresh perspective on things to make my professors or TA's life a little more interesting and less redundant when it gets to grading work. But I found that to make their lives easier, I should to stick to clear simplicity. Although, I am always going to try my hardest with whatever obstacle I am faced with alone, in times of despair I find it helpful to have a good support system. Surprisingly enough, my university came with a really strong support system. I feel like I can really talk to my professors and I see them, my mentors and the TA's as coaches who want to see me succeed. I don't know if they recognize the impact they have had on me, but I feel like
without their wise and supportive words, I would not have made it as far as I have.
And it's because of them that I hope to keep going and maybe even go into further education.
Sincerely,
Ed the Bedhead